michael: bad news – mr heere locked his keys inside the house
michael: good news – we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith
michael: bad news – mr heere finds it very concerning that i know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. i was too embarrassed to admit that the reason i learned was because, at thirteen, i figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute boys
michael: good news – a cute boy saw me do it
michael: bad news – it was jeremy, and since he’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because i saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows i can ride a unicycle, he’ll never think i’m cool no matter what i do. it’s too late. he knows