what if voltron was just a really long dnd campaign
matt: zarkon emerges from the ship with the black bayard in hand. what do you-
keith: i attack him
matt: …keith you’re a level three
keith: i’m rolling
matt: you arrive at your brother’s grave, confirming that he was one of the casualties in the battle. you collapse into tears in front of it and-
pidge: i’m rolling for perception
matt: wh- what is there to perceive? he’s literally dead-
pidge: it’s nat 20
matt: i… you notice that your brother’s birthday on the tombstone is wrong. he’s left you a code. on his grave. for some reason. because apparently he’s not dead now
lotor: i try to convince them to ally with me
matt: you do realize you’ve tried to kill these people on multiple occasions right?
lotor: i’m going for it
matt: …okay. roll for charisma
lotor: …i got a 1
matt: you attempt to charm the princess by talking about her dead father for fifteen minutes
lotor: i try to convince them to give the galra empire unlimited access to quintessence
matt: i- you know what? fine. allura, roll a perception check
allura: ………i got a 1
matt: …you think lotor’s plan is absolutely wonderful and allow him to join your party
matt: the sea serpent follows in quick pursuit. it’s gaining on the blue lion fast and-
lance: can i roll to seduce it?
matt: no
lance: why do you hate me
matt: rax asks if your ship is still working so that you can leave
hunk: well we can’t leave without the crystal, and we still haven’t found out a way to get it…
coran: i have a plan. we attempt to impersonate a galra sentry
matt: you… do realize they’re robots right
coran: yes
matt: alright then. roll a bluff check
coran: i got a 5
matt: you grab a broken sentry and get on hunk’s shoulders, putting on a cloak to hide your body from view. the two of you stumble towards two guards, very obviously whispering to each other under the cloak, and attempt to convince them that their shift is over. they raise their weapons and ask for your identification number
hunk: …yeah i’m just gonna shoot at them now if that’s okay
matt: voltron drives its sword right through zarkon’s robeast. it erupts into brilliant flames and completely destroys his robotic body. the explosion tears voltron apart. shiro, roll for dexterity.
shiro: …why? the battle’s over?
matt: lol
shiro: matt
matt: lol just do it
shiro: i got 20
matt: …how did you roll nat 20. you never roll 20
shiro: i have no idea
matt: shit. i’ll be real i wasn’t expecting that. uh. so shiro’s… shiro’s gone now i guess
shiro: what? where did i go?
matt: give me a second i have to rewrite half the campaign now since you didn’t let me just kill you off like a fucking normal person
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