If he’s a hopeless husband, she will always make him dinner and never suggest that he look after his own children. If he doesnt understand where the line is when it comes to harassing women, what’s friendly and what’s creepy, then she’ll give him the benefit of the doubt when he harasses or assaults. If he messes up simple tasks like washing his clothes and cleaning the house enough, she will take over out of exhaustion. If he states that he doesnt understand her feelings often enough, she’ll stop asking him to consider them.
Men play stupid because they’re lazy and entitled. They know they cant be blamed for their own supposed lack of understanding. Stop calling them clueless, helpless and stupid and start calling them manipulative.
Also the wives/gfs in this scenario have to find the magical right communication style. If she tells him to put the leftovers in an appropriately-sized Tupperware, she’s a nag or a control freak. If she asks him to clean up after dinner, then, oops, he just didn’t know. How could a grown adult know any better than to put two oz. of leftovers in a 2 quart container? Repeat for grown adults who didn’t know that laundry bleach isn’t laundry soap, that plants need an appropriate amount of water, etc. and the nagging-wife archetype starts to seem more like a reasonable-human one.
I’m infuriated by the learned helplessness of men in responsible careers, who apply reason and problem solving just fine outside the kitchen.