moonblossom:

hazeldomain:

In my experience, if you see someone crying and you want to help, “what’s wrong” is a bad question.

I was at Universal yesterday and this woman was sitting on a stone wall and she was crying. Like she was pretty obviously having a bad time.

I have no idea what was wrong with this lady. Maybe her SO dumped her. Maybe someone she loved just died. Maybe one of the haunted houses triggered her. Maybe her friends left her to go do a ride and she feels lonely. Could be anything really.

But from my experience as the Crying Person, “what’s wrong” means that I have to take a personal and sometimes embarrassing situation and figure out how to lay it out for a stranger when I’m already not in a good place.

So I went up and sat on the stone wall a couple feet away and just went “you good?” And she says “yeah.” And I said “you need anything?” And she thinks a second and says “no.” And I said “okay,” waited a second, and left.

I feel like a lot of times media tells people that in order to offer help, they need to look someone in the eye and have a meaningful conversation about the Deeper Issues in their lives and I just… maybe it’s the autism speaking but I like my way more. It gives the person in crisis the choice on whether/how much they want to interact with me.

“What’s wrong?” from a stranger will very often result in “Nothing”, and then the dangerous habit of minimising whatever upset them, “Nothing, I’m just being silly.” or “Nothing, it’s stupid.” etc.

“Can I get you anything?” or “Do you need something?” are questions that have, given the situation, a relatively easy answer. “Do you have a tissue? Thank you so much!” or “Could you help me find the bathroom?” are questions that a distraught person can answer without too much thought, without feeling like they’re overburdening the well-meaning stranger.

I’ve been on both sides of this, many many times. I keep a packet of tissues and mints or candies in my purse at all times, just in case.

This will also give the crying/upset person a moment to gather themselves, and decide if they can honestly share what triggered the situation.