tempest-caller:

I’ve been seeing a lot of nb people struggling with how to identify lately so I want to clear up a few misconceptions.

“Cis” is just short for “cisgender.” It isn’t an acronym. It’s an abbreviation. It doesn’t mean you’re “comfortable in [your own] skin.” It means that you 100% identify with the binary gender you were assigned at birth.

Being cis isn’t about loving your body or not wanting to change your body. Anyone can love their bodies or feel comfortable in them.

“Trans” is just short for “transgender.” It’s an abbreviation. It doesn’t mean “transitioning.” It means you don’t 100% identify with your assigned binary gender at birth. For many, that means they identify 100% with the other binary gender. But it could also mean identifying outside the binary.

So nonbinary people can call themselves trans, even if they aren’t transitioning from one binary to another. Obviously, no one has to call themselves trans. But nonbinary identities are inherently not cis, and can fall under the trans label if you feel comfortable with it.

The act of transitioning doesn’t have to mean that you get surgery on both the top and bottom of your body and change your name and presentation and all that other stuff. You can transition without getting surgery or by only getting some surgery. You can transition by changing your presentation only a little or a lot or not at all. You can transition by changing your name even if you don’t do it legally. Transition looks different from everyone and so the fact that you aren’t doing it in one very specific way doesn’t mean you aren’t doing it or aren’t capable of doing it. And frankly, you don’t have to transition at all. You could keep the same name and pronouns and presentation and everything if you want. Identifying as nonbinary is enough. You don’t have to do more than that to prove you’re not cis.

Gender =/= presentation. You can present as feminine or as masculine as you want and it has no effect on whether you’re really nonbinary or not.

Your pronouns don’t determine your gender. Use whatever feels comfortable for you. If you are afab and want to go by “she,” that is just as valid as being afab and going by “they” or “ze” or anything else. You aren’t cis just because you don’t feel comfortable using unique, new, or complex pronouns. Using common or gendered pronouns is okay.

Yes, you can be nonbinary even if you’re x orientation. Orientations almost never require you to be binary, and those that do don’t usually need you to be 100% binary, so asking, “can I be nb if I’m also bi/pan/demi/whatever” isn’t necessary. Nb lesbians exist so why can’t you be nb and your orientation?

The only orientation I can’t picture an nb person being is straight, because we don’t have an opposite binary gender to which to be attracted. But I understand if you feel like there isn’t a better word for you.

There are orientations coined just for nb people. It might be worth looking them up if you’re feeling confused. But remember that you don’t have to identify with them. Nb people can be a lot of different orientations. You don’t have to choose one that you don’t feel works for you just because you’re nonbinary. There is no one orientation nonbinary people have to be.

You’re not less nb if you’re not sure what gender you are yet. All you need to know right now is that you’re not 100% binary.

Yes, you can be nb even if you partially identify with your assigned gender at birth.

No, you don’t need to have a hyper specific gender identity. Yes, it’s okay if you have a hyper specific identity. Both vague and specific identities are valid, so use whatever feels right to you.

Yes, it’s okay if you don’t experience dysphoria. No, you don’t need dysphoria to be trans or nb.

You don’t have to be aligned with any binary gender. Yes, it’s okay if you are.

Yes, it’s okay to change your label or explore new labels. Yes, it’s okay if you don’t want to label yourself right now. No, changing your label a bunch doesn’t make you invalid. Yes, it’s okay to question your gender. No, you’re not a bad person if you thought you were x and you’re actually y. Yes, it’s okay if one day you decide you’re not really nonbinary.

Hope this helps some of you.

With love,

❄💙 Bella 💙❄, your local genderqueer.