bro, a lot of men NEED to go to therapy not just for their own sake but for the sake of every person they have power over in their lives
if you are a grown ass adult man and you refuse to handle your personal issues that directly negatively impact the people around in varying degrees of harm, even leading up to abuse, that’s YOUR responsibility to fix. no one is saying abusive men dont have ‘reasons’ to be the way they are, but that doesnt change the fact that no one who isnt them can fix their shit
School isn’t actually meant to teach you real life skills, it’s actually meant to get you used to waking up early and going to a boring and miserable job every day.
A lot of people read this and think it’s just juvenile shit kids complain about. But this is literally how mass education started. The necessity of disciplining formerly farming people, used to setting their own schedules, into the rhythms of the industrial economy, was why mass education was born.
I think it’s also important to note that the forefather of the modern western school system, the Prussian public school, was also designed to instill a sense of nationality and national pride in the children that they didn’t really have before. The emergence of our modern school system is heavily linked with the emergence of the modern nation state and nationalism in Europe. This is most clearly visible in schools such as American ones, where children are relentlessly indoctrinated into nationalism from an early age.
The duo of Osine Ikhianosime and Anesi Ikhianosime have rekindled
hope in the future of nigeria as they entered their names in the
catalogue of application developers when they built a mobile web browser
that is already in use globally. Osine Ikhianosime 13, and Anesi
Ikhianosime 15 who co-developed ‘Crocodile Browser Lite’ were born of
same parents and both are Year nine and 11 students of Greensprings
School, Anthony Campus, Lagos. While both brothers write code, Anesi
designs the user interface.
Osine Ikhianosine and Anesi Ikhianosime
Osine and Anesi launched the mobile browser on the Mobango app store
before moving to Google Play Store to try and reach a wider audience. As
you read this piece, the browser currently has around 100 to 500
downloads and they do not have ads in the app yet. They both began
developing an Android web browser, which they named Crocodile Browser
Lite, about a year ago out of boredom.
Due to their strong interest in technology, they decided to create a
functional, fast browser for feature and low end phones because,
according to them, “We were fed up with Google Chrome.” Osine who told
TechCabal in his pitch mail said: ‘’I write the code, my brother designs
it.”
Born April 28, 2001, his interest in computers began at age seven. It
was also at this age that he and his brother, Anesi Ikhianosime, who
was 9 at the time, came up with the idea of starting a company.
Recalling how it started, Osine said, they first named it ‘Doors’
with Microsoft’s Windows, but when they discovered that the name was
already in use, they had to change the name to BluDoors. Relating his
experience, Osine said: ‘’When we decided to learn to code at age 12 and
14 respectively, I didn’t let my uncle’s belief that it would be a
tough feat to achieve deter me.”
On his part, Anesi said: “I learnt to code by myself. I started in
2013, I used sites like Code Academy, Code Avengers and books like
‘Android for Game Development’ and ‘Games for Dummies’,” said Anesi.
Meanwhile their mother, Mrs Ngozi Ikhianosime, who is a Mathematics
teacher said: “Osine could already use a PC before he could read at age
three. It is all he does since he learnt to code.”
The mother who ascribed the success to Greensprings Schools, said
students of the school have access to computer and internet facilities,
just as personal laptops are made available to each of them at home.
“After Anesi is through with his secondary school education, he will
attend A levels, after which he will go to MIT in Boston for his first
degree, because the university has the facilities he needs to learn.”
She said.
Their father Mr Philip Ikhianosime, who is the Head of Management
Services and Human Resource Manager at an Insurance Company says the
boys developed interest in PC usage very early. He agrees as well, that
his children’s school is very instrumental in their continued interest
in programming.
Anesi says that he’d like to develop another app that solves real
social problems, such as traffic and communication. The brothers are
releasing a new version of Crocodile Browser Lite 3.0 this April.
if someone does the “fine, you’re right, i’m clearly a terrible person, i’m satan, i’m the worst person alive, i should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate ppl and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim
stop tolerating this in 2k17 tbh. like really and truly, if you or your friend thinks this is okay pls call the hotline on the bottom of the screen and learn how to take responsibility for your bad behavior
The bad thing is I do this on a regular basis. Not because I want to manipulate people, but because that’s actually how I feel. I’m bad at receiving concrit. I can’t say that everyone who reacts this way feels the same as I do, but…not every case is like that.
have you considered that, regardless of your intentions, reacting in such an exaggerated way would make it very difficult for anyone to criticize you or tell you that you’re harming people with your behavior? i’m not interested in searching out people’s motives, i don’t really care why someone does or says manipulative things. being unable or unwilling to simply apologize and not make it about themselves is a solid indicator that a person is not interested in being held accountable for their bad behavior, and people, especially the injured parties in question, shouldn’t have to tolerate it.
take responsibility for your bad behavior 2k17 tbh
Okay, life lesson time.
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I kept getting involved with people who would say, “Oh, I’m a bad person” any time I brought up ANYTHING that was the least bit of a disagreement.
Like, “Please don’t leave my X on the floor” would get, “Oh, I’m a horrible person!”
HERE’S WHY THIS IS A HUGELY PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR, and if you think I”m calling you out and you think you’re about to shut down, take a breath, remember that this is about learning, and keep reading.
What is important is what happened after. My boyfriend might say, “Oh, I’m just an awful boyfriend” and instead of him acknowledging the BEHAVIOR and working on fixing it, he’d get me trying to buck him up for the next half hour, telling him he was a good person. The behavior that started it all would not change.
Well, things led to things and I went back home to live for a while, and found that the same exact thing was happening… with my mother.
And then I learned about pattern arguments. Pattern arguments are the ones where you keep having the same nonproductive argument over and over again. They don’t all follow this pattern, but this is a really common one.
The trick?
BREAK THE PATTERN
First you have to know what the pattern is. In this case: 1. Grievance 2. Self deprecation 3. Ego stroking
So, with my mother, we started in on one of these, and she said, “I guess I’m just a terrible mother.”
And instead of reassuring her, instead of derailing the issue and letting it go… I said, “When you say that, it makes me wonder how terrible a daughter I could be that you would think you were a bad mother. We have this conversation this way over and over, and the problem that I have always gets pushed aside in favor of trying to make you feel better. When you’re willing to have a real conversation about this, I’m happy to talk to you, but I’m bored with this argument, so I’ll see you later if you want to really talk.” And I left the room.
Now, my mom is a reasonably self-aware person, and does a lot of hard emotional work, and so she got it, very quickly. 10 minutes later she came out and found me, and we had a real conversation about whatever the hell the issue really was, and we have literally NEVER had that particular pattern argument again in 23 years.
Boyfriend came to visit. I was upset about something, he started in on the “I’m just a shitty boyfriend” thing… and my response?
“Yep. You are.”
His jaw dropped. He blinked.
And I said, “Look, that’s what you do. You say shit like that and it means you don’t have to change your behavior, and I’m tired of the pattern we have where I tell you something isn’t working for me, you tell me you’re terrible, and I spend half an hour making you feel better. I’m tired of it and I”m not doing it anymore. If you’re willing to have an actual conversation about this, and not just the same old argument, I’m game. But this thing we do where you talk yourself down and I butter you up? Is boring. And I’m over it.”
We also did not have that argument again. (The relationship finally ended for real a while after, but it ended in a grown-up way, and not with a ridiculous meaningless fight.)
When you knock yourself down, the gut instinct for the people around you is to pick you up. But that means you’re not pulling your weight in the relationship. You’re making them do the work and you’re not actually hearing them.
So that brings us to another point:
How to deal with criticism
Okay, so if you’re not going to knock yourself down when someone says something negative about you, what DO you do? We don’t actually train people to take criticism well. But it is an art and a skill and NECESSARY to finding emotional stability in the face of a critical world.
I see it as a flow chart, but since the flow chart I made for it ended up in a book that I don’t own the copyright to (not a big deal) I’ll write out the decision tree here instead:
1. Someone offers criticism (constructive or not!)
2. Listen and think about it without immediately trying to defend yourself. You can say, “Okay, I need a moment to take that in and think about it because I want to understand it.” Or something else appropriate to the situation. It is okay to ask for time to think in most circumstances. Most people will appreciate that you are thinking about their words instead of immediately getting defensive or counterattacking. Think about whether what they are saying is valid, might be valid or is not valid.
3A. If it is valid, then you have a choice. You can try to fix the behavior or you can acknowledge that it is a valid criticism but decide you aren’t likely to fix it. Start by acknowledging the validity of the criticism, and then say what you’re going to do to fix it, or say that it’s valid but it isn’t something you’re willing (or possibly able) to change, or say that it’s a valid criticism and you’ll need to think about possible solutions. They may have a suggestion. Taking it or not is also a choice.
3B. If you’re not sure it’s valid, but it might be, tell them, “I really need to give this some more thought.” or “Can you tell me more about this? I’m not sure I understand the issue well.” Or “If you can point me at some reading material or search terms, I’d like to study this before I decide what I’m going to do.”
3C. If you know it is not a valid criticism, STOP a moment, and look at WHY they are making it. This is where Active Listening can be very helpful. “I hear you saying that X is a problem. I don’t see it that way right now but I’d like to understand better why you do.” Or if you think they don’t have enough information, “I hear you saying X, but my understanding of the issue is Y. Here’s what I know about it if you’re ready to listen.” If they’re just looking for a fight, tell them you’re not interested in fighting, and disentangle yourself.
4. If the criticism is something you are going to listen to and take action on, tell them what kind of action you’re going to take. If it’s something you’re hearing and thinking about, tell them that. If it’s not something you’re going to do anything about or it’s just wrong, thank them for their input and move on.
Literally never is it going to be helpful to say, “Oh, I’m just a terrible person.” That’s very much like a nonapology-apology in terms of how unhelpful it is to any conversation. It’s kind of worse because it actually expects emotional labor from someone who is already having to bring up something unpleasant with you.
Think about what they say Decide whether you’re going to do something about it Do the thing, or tell them you’re not going to do the thing. Don’t demand emotional labor from other people when you were the one who messed up.
Apologize if appropriate.
This is all predicated on the notion that you’re talking to someone who actually wants to communicate and isn’t just an asshole on the attack.
Because seriously, the whole “I’m a terrible person” thing?
Boring as fuck. Knock that shit off. Maybe you are. Maybe you aren’t. But take responsibility and have a little self-respect and don’t make others pick your emotional dirty towels off the metaphorical bathroom floor.
i mean that in all seriousness. these are two npcs in a building that gives you no items, no useful information, no nothing. it’s a hotel for people, in fact. there’s nothing useful to the player. so it only exists for flavor.
and the flavor they chose, out of all things, is this: a romantic getaway turned family vacation. it’s two lines, and yet i’m sitting here wondering just how they ended up in this situation. i mean, clearly the girlfriend sees nothing wrong with it, but the boyfriend has a big problem with it!! that’s a lot of relationship drama for two lines of dialogue!!
i love it. i fucking love it. it’s stuff like this that makes the world genuinely feel lived-in by more than just pokemon trainers/breeders/etc — there are people in this world who have their own lives and problems that have nothing to do with pokemon. in its own way, it’s actually kind of charming.
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