wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs
also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything
what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??
Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.
Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.
Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show
Y’all suspect af😂
*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*
Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash
Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police
Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.
Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.
all this info is good for writing
but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed
ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone
Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.
Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same
Reblogging for *educational* purposes 🙂
This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.
use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.
Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?
There are n*zis on campus rn and a student brought out like a 1997 boombox and started blasting Taking The Hobbits to Isengard every time they tried to say something.
“Those who do not share our genes -THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS – THE MASTER RACE – TO ISENGARD TO ISENGARD – AND I BELIEVE –
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE-”
Chaotic good
In Jewish tradition, one of our holidays is called Purim. It celebrates the defeat of an antisemitic political advisor to a king who liked to prowl the streets ranting his hatred. Part of the story of Purim involves the people being ranted at inventing a special kind of noisemaker to drown him out.
Basically what I’m saying is this student is following a grand tradition whether they realize it or not and they should be proud.
not only is Purim about drowning out fascists, it’s about doing so in the most absurd and embarrassing ways possible! fascism thrives on an aura of invincibility, and it’s hard to hold onto that when people keep making farting sounds every time you open your mouth
so really, weaponized memes are PERFECTLY in keeping with the Purim spirit
*slams fist on table* NOW THIS is the kind of religious/cultural tradition I can get behind!
john mulaney looked so stunned to win the emmy because now his immortal life is recorded in history, so 100 years from now when a historian asks him why he looks so much like that emmy award-winning comedian, he’s going to have to throw his money clip in order to distract them
I just saw a video of Britney Spears tearing apart a group of men who called her body guard the n word. He had to hold her back because her knee jerk reaction was to maul them like a mama bear on the loose. And then she walks away while holding a comforting hand on his back.
I’ll never not stan her. Catch me playing Lucky at my funeral bitch.
I literally just saw the video and she was really about to whoop ass ON SIGHT no hesitation.
Yall just against posting links huh?
^^^Right? But also, as a lifelong Britney stan, I believe it.
My family is from Nigeria, and my full name is
Uzoamaka, which means “The road is good.” Quick lesson: My tribe is
Igbo, and you name your kid something that tells your history and
hopefully predicts your future. So anyway, in grade school, because my
last name started with an A, I was the first in roll call, and nobody
ever knew how to pronounce it. So I went home and asked my mother if I
could be called Zoe. I remember she was cooking, and in her Nigerian
accent she said, “Why?” I said, “Nobody can pronounce it.” Without
missing a beat, she said, “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and
Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky, they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”
I’ve worked with many exchange programs on campuses, and they still “encourage” Chinese students to choose English names for their stay in the US. I’ve adopted a rule for myself, I won’t address them with their English name until they’ve told me to stop trying their real name on at least three different occasions. My family is largely immigrant, and while we’ve never had this problem, I don’t think anyone should have to change who they are when them find a new home, even a temporary one. So far, only two exchange student actually wanted to keep their English name, and one of them, Alice, had had Alice for a nickname since she was little.
Don’t know if it’s okay to add this here, but I used to work with a Chinese woman who had changed her name to Angelina for the sake of ease. When she first told me that was what she’d had to do, I asked her for her real name and if she minded me calling her that. She looked so frikkin happy, and it only took about two minutes for me to say it right. It’s not that people can’t pronounce these names, it’s that they won’t. It’s lazy and it’s rude.
It’s also RACIST.
Say ‘racist’.
They pronounce Tchaikovsky and Schwarzenegger just fine.
^THANK YOU. Babies of color,
MAKE THEM SAY YOUR FUCKING NAME. ALWAYS.
ALL OF THIS
This scene means so much cuz I have professors who specifically misprounounce my name instead of learning
It’s not just racist, it’s Xenophobic too because it’s not only white people that do this.
