Seriously.
4 years ago, I’m cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds
all the smokes and alcohol. It’s 10pm and these two young men (early
20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I
don’t remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd
items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don’t
know. It’s a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan
the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.
Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down
two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye,
but they didn’t even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and
went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but
they didn’t know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I
knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I
was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for
recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was
silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.
Me: Is this $22.xx?
Ringleader: …
Me: Did you count it?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Are you going to?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Is it at least $22.xx?
Ringleader: Don’t know.
Me: Nice.
Coworker: Hey! You guys can use the self checkout. It can take all of your coins at once.
Me: Oh, don’t worry about it Cowor–
Ringleader: Nope, don’t trust them lady. (Partner laughs)
Coworker: What? Why!?
Ringleader: Doesn’t count all your change right.
Coworker: I’ve used them before. It really works!
Me: (to Coworker) I got this.
I unpacked the ziplocks and threw all the pennies on the counter. It
was a beautiful, massive shitstorm of a mess. And I digged in it. I was
Frank in a dumpster in ‘It’s Always Sunny’. The two, still averting my
gaze, start chuckling as if they were taking away my dignity. They
whisper to each other “Dude oh my God,” “Dude yeah,” “Dude, hilarious.”
I counted each penny, one by one. My coworker comes up to me.
Coworker: Guess I’ll help you count this.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
(She looks at me confused. Then she puts on her ‘get down to busy’ look.)
Coworker: I got your back.
Me: Oh…ok.
We worked up a system where we counted ten, put them in a pile, then
with ten stacks of ten pennies we separated them, making $1 piles. We
made progress slowly but surely. Some customers came to the line, but we
advised them to get to another line. Some of them looked at us
confused, but when they saw the counter full of pennies they understood.
Some decided to wait, but when they realized it wasn’t going to take
just a few minutes they took their leave. Another register in the liquor
department opened so it wasn’t too bad for other customers. We get to
about $12 (about 10min in) until I “knocked” over the piles.
Coworker: Neontonsil!
Me: Oops. Sorry.
(Coworker looks at my grin. I give her a wink and tilt my head, motioning her to leave)
Coworker: You know what, I think I better let you do this.
Me: Ha, alright.
(Coworker leaves. I look at the two guys. They are absolutely stunned at the fallen piles of pennies.)
Me: (To Ringleader) Yeah, I’m going to have to count all of this again.
Ringleader: ….Ok.
I started from zero. I count slower then ever, and made my way back
up. The duo is entirely silent. I get to about $7, when suddenly I say:
Me: Drats. I lost count. I better start all over again.
Ringleader: Really?
Me: Oh yeah man.
Ringleader: Why!?
Me: I lost count, sir. I could be in trouble if my register doesn’t
have the right amount of cash, and I don’t want to rip you off.
Ringleader: …
It’s about an hour later. My manager walks past, looks at me. I smile
at him, and he looks at the counter. He walks away without a word. I
eventually count all the change and surprisingly they had only $18!
Me: Hmm, I think that this is $18.
(The duo has been dead silent. They look done for the night.)
Me: I’ll recount it.
I fucking recounted it.
Me: I think this is actually $19.xx.
(Without a word, the Ringleader whips out a $5)
Me: Seriously? You had cash?
Ringleader: Needed to get rid of my change.
Me. No problem. I’ll just recount this again. I want to make
perfectly sure that this is $19, since I counted $18 the first time.
Ringleader: Are you kidding me?
(I shake my head no, completely serious)
He takes out a $20 bill straight out of his pocket and throws it at
me. My coworker gives the biggest WHAT THE FUCK face. Internally, I die
as well, because they were smart enough to have a backup plan. And the
fact that he was touching his cash in his pocket the entire time kinda
messed with me. I take the cash, do the transaction, give him his
change, thanked him and wished him a good night. The two start to put
their pennies back in the ziplock bags and I didn’t help them at all. I
watched them just as how they watched me. Lots of pennies dropped to the
floor, but they didn’t care to pick them up. It looked like their souls
were sucked out of them. It was past midnight and I clocked out way
past when I was supposed to. A lot of my coworkers gave me a thumbs up
or told me good night. Even my manager told me ‘good job,’ the only two
words he ever said to me. Went to bed at the dorms after such a great
petty penny night and crashed. Strange to say, but I’d love to count
pennies again.
TL;DR I recounted 1900 pennies like 5 times. Was it 5 times? I better count again.
This is the kind of spite I live for
The term for this, if you didn’t already know it, is “malicious compliance”.
a good thing to do for your friends with anxiety disorders: if you have a question you need to ask them or something you need to tell them, explain the subject of the question/the statement in the same message as your opening one!
so basically: instead of saying “can i ask you a question?” and sending just that (which, as a person with an anxiety disorder, makes my anxiety go into hyperdrive) go “can i ask you a question about ___?”
it’s a little thing but honestly few things make me anxious like “i have a question for you” or “there’s something i need to tell you” without immediate explanation. thanks!
“call me, nothing is wrong, just wanna talk on the phone” would be so much better than “Call me.”
Actually please to all of this please.
YES PLEASE.
YES THIS OK????? Like I have trained my husband to say “nothing bad, I just need to call you because it’s too much to type.” It helps SO MUCH. Just let me prepare myself, because I guarantee my imagination will take me to much much darker places.
Might I add, if someone with anxiety has just said something to you that’s a lot to process, and you need some time to think about what to say in response, please consider a quick “I’m not ignoring you, I need to think about what to say and I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
Because that definitely saves your friend with anxiety a lot of strife and assuming they’ve ruined your friendship forever. Nothing is crueler than a “Seen 2:25pm” when it’s 10am the next day and you’re waiting on a reply to a huge confession.
Normally I don’t acknowledge my anxiety very much but to any of my friends this would genuinely be helpful. Thanks
Bonus: even if you don’t struggle with anxiety, this can really help cut down on miscommunication caused by text-monotone! My roommate and I use these a lot to keep from accidentally getting into arguments.
This is the dumbest thing to nitpick but the phrase “real UFO” bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it’s unidentified and flying because that’s what those words mean weather or not it’s an alien is a different matter it could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don’t know that’s what it is it’s a UFO
i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again: anything is a UFO if you’re bad enough at identifying stuff
