You are still a woman. You are not bad for not coming out. I love you so much and making sure you are safe, comfortable, and ready to come out is the most important thing for you to do. You don’t owe anyone but yourself anything.
I would even love for us just to have a moment in S5 where Lance says “I missed you” to Keith and Keith’s world just tilts because he’s never considered the possibility that someone could miss him.