alright don’t be mad but. i never read the great gatsby. i know i was supposed to. yes, it was assigned to us. i even know, more or less, what happens in the book. technically, i wrote an essay about it, i think, once or twice.
at the time, i hadn’t read any book assigned to me. ever. it wasn’t that i didn’t like to read. i loved reading. but homework took place in a function of my brain that i couldn’t access. i would sit in libraries or at my desk and just. not do my homework. i spent hours like this, days like this, years like this. just not doing what was assigned to me, no matter the consequences, no matter how badly i wanted to be doing it. i just wouldn’t. and i wouldn’t go to class because i didn’t want to deal with the fact i didn’t do the homework. and then i wouldn’t get the homework. so i didn’t do it.
i remember realizing while i was doing college applications that i had actually, real-life fucked up. that it was permanent, what i had done. that i had a C- of an average and no future to look rosy at. and i still couldn’t make myself do things. i tried to submit applications only to realize i’d shoved off the date to the very last moment. and i was fucked.
it takes me three years and two transfers and three new starts before i am actually real-life trained how to study, how to read, how to enjoy being assigned things.
and i watch parents of my students yell at students for being the same person i was six years ago: screaming at an A-, confused at skipped classes, punishing missed homework. and these students don’t have an answer. they just don’t do things. even if they want to. and they look at me, confused and defeated and without an answer for their parents. “i just can’t,” i hear a lot, and i understand.
parents don’t like “executive dysfunction” as a reason. “anxiety” and “depression” are often misdiagnosed as “procrastinating” and “lazy”. kids just learn they’re like this. that they’re always going to be. that it’s their fault, permanently. they are surrounded by books they didn’t read. and it doesn’t feel good. it feels like suffocating.
today i started “the great gatsby.” i promise. one day, it’ll feel easy.
we really gotta talk about this more I had no idea other people were like this
1. They don’t hide their anxiety, they hide their symptoms.
To have concealed anxiety isn’t to deny having it – only to do
everything in your power to ensure other people don’t see you struggle.
2. They have the most anxiety about having anxiety.
Because they are not comfortable letting people see them in the throes
of an irrational panic, the most anxiety-inducing idea is… whether or
not they’ll have anxiety at any given moment in time.
3. They come across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but rarely out.
It is not that they are anti-social, just that they can only take being
around others incrementally (which is mostly normal). Yet, on the
surface, this may come across as confusing.
4. They make situations worse by trying to suppress their feelings about them. They
are extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing them in pain, and
they don’t want to feel pitied or as though they are compromising
anyone’s time. Yet, they make things worse for themselves by
suppressing, as it actually funnels a ton of energy into making the
problem larger and more present than it already was.
5. They are often hyper-aware and highly intuitive. Anxiousness
is an evolutionary function that essentially keeps us alive by making
us aware of our surroundings and other people’s motives. It’s only
uncomfortable when we don’t know how to manage it effectively – the
positive side is that it makes you hyper-conscious of what’s going on
around you.
6. Their deepest triggers are usually social situations. It’s
not that they feel anxious in an airplane, it’s that they feel anxious
in an airplane and are stuck around 50 other people. It’s not that they
will fail a test, but that they will fail a test and everyone in school
will find out and think they are incompetent and their parents will be
disappointed. It’s not that they will lose love, but that they will lose
love and nobody will ever love them again.
7. It is not always just a “panicked feeling” they have to hide.
It can also be a tendency to worry, catastrophizing, etc. The battle is
often (always?) between competing thoughts in their minds.
8. They are deep thinkers, and great problem-solvers.
One of the benefits of anxiety is that it leads you to considering
every worst case scenario, and then subsequently, how to handle or
respond to each.
9. They are almost always “self-regulating” their thoughts.
They’re talking themselves in, out, around, up or down from something
or another very often, and increasingly so in public places.
10. They don’t trust easily, but they will convince you that they do. They want to make the people around them feel loved and accepted as it eases their anxiety in a way.
11. They tend to desire control in other areas of their lives.
They’re over-workers or are manically particular about how they dress
or can’t really seem to let go of relationships if it wasn’t their idea
to end them.
12. They have all-or-nothing personalities, which is what creates the anxiety.
Despite being so extreme, they are highly indecisive. They try to
“figure out” whether or not something is right before they actually try
to do it.
13. They assume they are disliked. While this is often stressful, it often keeps them humble and grounded at the same time.
14. They are very driven (they care about the outcome of things).
They are in equal proportions as in control of their lives as they feel
out of control of their lives – this is because they so frequently try
to compensate for fear of the unknown.
15. They are very smart, but doubt it. A high intelligence is linked to increased anxiety (and being doubtful of one’s mental capacity are linked to both).
if your gf/bf has anxiety u need to be fuckin patient lmao don’t freak out on them because it’ll make it so much worse
Also just a reminder that anxiety doesn’t always present as a rocking-in-the-corner-uncontrollably-crying episode of paranoia or despair, it can also present as:
Agitation or short temper, lack of patience
Insomnia
Upset stomach
Repetitive motions, redoing things you’ve already done, obsessing over specific things
Physical tenseness (back and shoulder pains are VERY common)
Feelings of physical weakness and exhaustion
P l e a s e take the time to understand how your partners experiences anxiety and do some homework on how you can best help them. While we have a responsibility to communicate our needs, it is so massively helpful and comforting when our partners put effort in to understand us and understand how they can effectively assist us in episodes when we might not be able to clearly convey our needs in the moment.
hint: if a person with clinical depression and anxiety says theyre tired …. dont tell them they have no reason to be …. bc guess what….. They Know and Its Shitty
Louder!!!
I just want to add one thing-
If you have depression or anxiety? you’re not tired for no reason.
You’re tired because you have depression/anxiety.
Not only do they both come with low energy/fatigue as a legit common side effect, but they’re both fucking /exhausting/. fighting your brain all the time? exhausting. adrenaline crashes from anxiety/panic attacks? exhausting. being on edge all the time? exhausting. plus doing things costs /more/ energy when you have those mental illnesses.
You’re not tired for no reason, you’re tied because you have an illness that makes you tired.
Louder for the people who refuse to believe this is true
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