Tag: Asexuality

queerzebra:

firebirdscratches:

sevi007:

sevi007:

Since telling my Mum that I considered myself ace, I already noticed that she was a bit… too interested, if you want to say it like that. Asking for “signs”, or how being ace feels like… I tried to answer her to the best of my ability, giving her links to websites that would explain better as I ever could.

Today she said, very quietly, “Do you think I could be ace, too?”

And I said very carefully “If you think it suits you, I don’t see why not”

And my Mum, my strong, self-confident Mum, who never once  has ever felt uncomfortable in her own skin as far as I know, beamed in relief. Relief. 

 Because she never knew. Because getting married young and bearing children for her husband (meaning sex) was expected of her. Because everyone gave her the feeling as if something would be wrong or broken about her if she didn’t want, didn’t do that.

Because her whole life long, she thought there was something wrong with her.

I’m honestly torn between feeling happy and relieved for her, and angry that humanity has such trouble with showing some understanding to those who don’t fit in the boxes society has designed for all of us.

Update: My
Mum was getting ready for bed when I noticed her humming loudly around her
toothbrush and I asked her what the good mood was about.

 

She beamed
around a mouth-full of toothpaste and said, very proudly and deliberately, “I
think I like that, being ace.”

And continued
on with her brushing, humming a bit louder.

 

(Or in
other words, I’m more than a little bit teary eyed.)

I had almost the exact same conversation with my Mom. We were talking about the LGBT acronym and explained that it’s LGBTQ and that some people add the PIA at the end as well. And she asked me “What’s the a?” So when I explained it she said immediately “Me. That’s like me.”

This is why I get so mad at people who think this is all just trendy bs, people just don’t have the vocabulary or permission to describe their lived experience.

This is the most wholesome thing I’ve ever read, bless this post 🙌🏼

Reasons why I need the A in LGBTIAQ to stand for Asexual, not Ally

theomachomai:

left-hand-path-notes:

skitterbot:

defira85:

Because my mother told me that all I needed to do was get drunk and lie back and let my husband have his fun. Because if I was drunk, I’d be more relaxed and it’d be over sooner

Because my sister told me that I was trapping my husband in an abusive marriage, and that one day he was going to leave me

Because both of them looked at me in disgust

Because my asexuality is considered to be as great a crime against my husband as a woman who has affairs and cheats on her husband

Because my cousin didn’t even try to understand, and just kept asking ‘but what about in five years? how will you feel then?’

Because I was so afraid of my body and so afraid of sex that I didn’t seek medical help for a legitimate question for over a year for fear of being labelled a deviant or something broken

Because I still ask myself at least once every day if my husband wouldn’t be better off without me

Because I still ask myself at least once every day if I’m broken

Because I still tell myself at least once every day that I’m pathetic and useless and an abnormality

Because I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but everywhere I turn I’m told I really don’t, because love = sex

I need A to stand for Asexual because nobody ever talked to me about asexuality even when I was an outpatient at the women’s hospital for 18 months, and everyone told me desire would come in time

I need A to stand for Asexual because we are literally invisible, and so unimportant that people assume we don’t even need representation, because everyone assumes our lives must be bland and unimportant and lacking in challenges or bigotry

For every asexual that wants a relationship, for every asexual that does not want a relationship, for every asexual who has not yet come to terms with their identity, for every asexual who was told we were abnormalities, for every asexual who was told we just weren’t doing sex right, that we needed a good fucking, that we needed to be drunk, that we needed to relax, that we needed to be raped

We need representation, and we need visibility

That is why the A needs to stand for Asexual, and never for Ally

Fucking Important Post.

Just so we’re fucking clear, this blog is inclusionist. If that’s a prob, gtfo.

People don’t understand the enormous and insidious pressure aces are under to just give in and pretend you like it already. This at an individual and institutional level- look at the way psychologists treat people who don’t want sex, whether they are ace or not. Conversion therapy for aces is so normalized that people don’t even notice it exists.

arotaro:

Hot fucking take, but you know what? Designating aromanticism and asexuality as a “white people thing” is, in fact, racist.

To give in a example: I am hispanic. We’re stereotyped as being overly romantic and sexy, good “lovers”, seductive, always get married and have big families, etc. By saying that aromanticism and asexuality are only for White People™, you’re denying me agency over my own sexuality and romanticism. You’re saying that because I’m hispanic, that I have to be romantic, and I have to be sexual.

Labeling aromanticism and asexuality as a “white people thing” erases aspecs of other races and ethnicities- many of whom need extra support due to perceptions of romance and sexuality within their own cultures- and forcibly subjects them to harmful stereotypes. That’s racism.

crazy-pages:

daja-the-hypnokitten:

onemillionspiders:

acesapphic:

Ready for a long ace-centric metaphor about sex? 

Alright, so. Coffee. I don’t drink coffee. I have no desire to drink coffee. I find people who enthusiastically go on about the flavor differences of lattes, espressos, and french press brews, both amusing and mildly baffling. All the coffee ads. Coffee jokes. Bustling coffee shops. To me, all coffee is similarly bitter and unpleasant. I have been through so many “Try this, it’s sweet! You can’t even taste the coffee!”  Alas, I always can. And I’m  sensitive to caffeine anyway. So, I don’t really think about drinking it when I wake up or am tired.

 Yet I love the smell of coffee. I love the idea of coffee. The feeling of a warm cup taking the chill from my fingers, the cozy ritual of having a drink and chat.

I might try someone’s coffee. If they ask, if I want to please them and share in something they enjoy.

I am also perfectly capable of learning the preferences of those I care about and creating a cup for their pleasure. 

But I don’t want coffee, generally speaking. I will probably make a face after trying their coffee and wash the taste out with something else. They may rush to reassure me that it is an acquired taste. And I’ll have to reply that it’s a taste I don’t particularly care about acquiring in the way they did. ‘Drink it till you like it’ will never work for me.

 But that doesn’t mean I am against coffee or think people shouldn’t drink it. Doesn’t mean I’ve taken a vow to never drink any. And sure, maybe if you get one of those sugar and whipped cream disasters, more of a warm milkshake than a cup of coffee, I’ll probably be happier sipping it with you. But honestly? I’d rather smell someone else’s coffee and not be expected to drink it. I’d really rather have the heat and sweetness of my hot cocoa. 

I love this

The best part is it works for ALLLL the ace spectrum! Maybe you like one specific type of coffee on rare occasions! Maybe you enjoy coffee when you’re sharing the drink with someone! Maybe you can’t even stand the smell of coffee!

This needs to be on my blog.

This is it exactly oh my god.

ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity:

Hey y’all, with Asexual Awareness Week coming up (Oct 21-27th this year) here are a few things to remember!

• Asexuals are part of the LGBTQ+ community

• Asexuality is real

• Aces can choose not to celebrate/participate in any way

• Aces have every right to be proud of their identity

• Aces are lgbt+ regardless of their romantic orientation.

• Aces aren’t “basically straight” or any other complaint exclusionists have

• Asexuality is an orientation just like any other as well as a spectrum

• Greysexuals, Demisexuals, Cupiosexual, etc are all valid and also have a right to celebrate this week

• Ace Men exist

• Nonbinary Aces exist

• Not every Ace is Cis

• Exclusionists/Gatekeepers/etc are not welcome here

• AroAces exist

• Ace WLW exist

• Ace MLM exist

• Ace nblnb / nblm / nblw exist

• Poc Aces exist

• Disabled Aces exist

• Mentally ill Aces exist

• There are Aces of many different races/genders/ages/religions/etc

• Whether you’re an Ace still struggling with their orientation or an Ace who’s proud, or any other type of Ace, Asexual Awareness Week is for you and you’re valid regardless.

Feel free to add on!