Tag: Asexuality

opisaheterophobe:

“Stop breaking up with your partner just because they are ace uwu uwu uwu oowoo”

Look Barbara, maybe you’ve never heard someone tell you “no” before but….people are allowed to leave you. People are allowed to break up with you.

Like it or not, some people need sex as part of their relationship. It’s not “bad” or “shameful”. People have sex drives! People get horny! Sex is just how some people like to bond.

I’m not saying they should force you into it. That’s COMPLETELY unacceptable. But if you don’t like having sex and your partner does, that’s kind of a conflict of interest so they have every right to leave you. Neither of your needs are being met, so what’s the point?

EVERYONE has different relationship needs. Some people only like romantic candlelit dinners, some people prefer to go to bars and then grab some McDonalds. Some people are strictly monogamous, and some people are polyamorous. Some people are physically affectionate, some people aren’t. Some people want kids, other people dont. Some people have a need for sex, and other people don’t want it!

Neither you or your “allosexual” partner are in the wrong, your needs just don’t match up! If your partner isn’t happy with you, they have every right to leave and be with someone that they can work with better, and you can find a partner that suits your needs better too!

Besides, guilt tripping people into staying in relationships they aren’t happy with can quickly turn into abuse.

aceofbays:

When asexual people say that finding out they were ace that is not the kind of relief that makes you giddy with happiness and knowing that everything is well now. It’s the kind of relief that you get when you finally learn what is going on good or bad doesn’t matter initially. It means finding out you are not alone, not wrong, not sick. That’s what ace people mean when they say they were relieved to learn about asexuality not that it means that all their anxiety, worry or self doubt is now over.

letters-to-lgbt-kids:

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

Those of you who identify with two (or all three) “A” in the lgbtqa+ acronym (asexual, aromantic, agender) may feel twice as invisible – as each single “A” on its own gets ignored or excluded often enough. 

You’re lgbt+. You belong in our community. I promise, you’re not invisible to me. 

Aromantic Asexual? Asexual Agender? Aromantic Asexual and Agender? Any other combination involving two of them? You’re super rad and i’m so glad to have you in my community! *big hugs*

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom

goldenpoc:

Literally all I ever hear about is girls embracing their sexuality. I’m here for it all the way, but there is not enough talk about girls who don’t want to be sexual and super out there at all. Literally everything is just about sex. Or the girls who are celibate or girls who’ve had traumatic sexual encounters and don’t want sex or the girls who never want to have sex. Not a lot of those kind of girls are talked about and sex is so enforced and pressurized in our society today that many girls feel like they should be having sex because society says so. I’m here to say you don’t have to have sex if you do not want to have sex. You are just as valuable as a girl who has had sex or is having sex. Don’t think you’re a prude or a bore. You’re just as much as a delight.

thessalian:

beekeepercain:

tenadp:

wotseit:

s/o to aces with libido

s/o to aces with kinks

s/o to aces with fantasies

s/o to aces who experience sensual attraction

s/o to aces who like to be sensually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who like to be sexually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who aren’t “perfect” asexuals, you are still valid and you are all ace af

I am really not trying to be rude, I just want to understand!! If you enjoy being sexually intimate with a partner, how are you asexual? Sorry if this comes across as offensive, I’m just interested to know!

There are other reasons than specifically wanting to have sex for the sake of having sex. For example, some asexuals want to please their non-asexual partners, and it isn’t necessarily uncomfortable for them, they just don’t specifically desire that particular action. Like, asexuals can still dig the feeling of sexual stimulation, since it is meant to be pleasurable.

It’s like, if there’s cake on the table, but you don’t particularly want cake at that time, or you don’t really care for cake, you can still choose to eat it because even if cake isn’t your favourite or you’re quite full already, it still tastes fine, and your best friend is eating some with you. 

Alternatively, it’s possible to sort of “trade favours”; instead of sexually pleasing their asexual partner who is disinterested in receiving sexually, the non-asexual party might cuddle, kiss and otherwise be physically affectionate with their partner while making love. This’d still count as sexual intimacy, even though only one person in the act is – hopefully – orgasming.

Some asexuals see sex as a way to bond with their partners. Again, the act isn’t specifically interesting to them, but it works as a means to an end – through it, they get to feel closer to their partner.

Asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, the “I want to bang that” trigger that most people have in response to potential sexual partners. Not the absence of sexual activity itself, which would be celibacy – the choice to not engage in sex, the act. An asexual can have sex and not feel that specific type of attraction to their partner, as attraction is passive and not based in active choice. It doesn’t mean that that partner is disgusting to them, either; they may well be aesthetically attractive to the asexual person (the same way you can appreciate a beautiful statue or a painting without becoming sexually aroused by viewing it) and the asexual person may well desire physical intimacy with them, such as hugging, kissing, cuddling and holding hands. Since not all asexuals are inherently repulsed by sex but merely disinterested in it by default, turning that desire for general closeness into sexual activity where it provides fulfillment of some form to both parties isn’t necessarily paradoxical.

Someone once brought up a fairly good point regarding this subject; non-asexual people also sometimes hook up and have sex with people that aren’t specifically attractive to them. It can still be perfectly consensual and satisfy the needs of both parties, despite the fact that the base attraction wasn’t there. For example, a person who just wants to have sex with someone might go along with a partner they would not otherwise choose, but who simply happens to be available and ready to do the deed with them. Alternatively, a woman might seek to have a baby, and have sex with a partner solely for that purpose, and whether the partner chosen is sexually attractive to them or not isn’t a big factor in the choice. (Plenty of asexual women choose to have sex to have children.) There are multiple reasons to have sex even when you’re not sexually attracted. Specifically for asexuals, the factor of having a non-asexual partner is usually a big motivator to have sex, and other reasons like the ones I explored above may additionally pop up to support that decision.

Finally, some asexuals just really dig orgasms. Most people do. We just don’t have that special someone we wish was delivering them to us, and largely prefer to take care of our own. But when you are in a relationship and that kind of comes as a package deal, some asexuals don’t feel like it’s a bad trade, or at least aren’t violently opposed to the idea. I think most asexuals who do choose to have sex are indifferent to it – it’s not their favourite thing in the world, but it takes care of business.

Best explanation EVER.