“What do you mean, ‘Change it back?’” “-drawing sword- You know what I mean.”
from @candigram
Tag: Dnd
what u think making a dnd party is like: character sheets, backstory discussion, serious planning
what making a dnd party is actually like:
When you’re a DM and accidentally do a crit on one of your players, making them give you That Look of Betrayal
i forgot that singular dice are called die and this still made sense
An entire bard party that faces a rival bard group and it’s actually just a musical.
“I stab myself. What happens?”
Dm: Roll damage I guess
Player: no in the heart.
Dm: you are actually doing this?
Player: yeah
Dm: you die. Roll your death saves
Player: wait what?
Dm: I don’t know what you expected
when the bard’s playing even moves the ranger’s animal companion
Universal experiences that prove why D&D is both the best and worst game ever:
“Make a stealth check.” “45.” “Your character just stops existing.”
“Now he’s gonna attack you, and—aw, fuck!” “Did you roll a nat—“ “I rolled a nat 1.”
“That’s 34 points of damage.” “I’m dead.” “You’re not dead—“
“I’m gonna cast [every AoE spell ever] on that guy.” “Hey! I’m standing right next to him!” “You’ve got a lot of HP, you’ll be fine.”
“I’m not sure you can do tha—“ “Nat 20.” “…you do that, I guess.”
“Wait, can I go ask [enemy NPC] for info?” “No, you killed him. He’s super-dead! His blood is everywhere, he’s not talking.”
“Make a persuasion check.” “Well I rolled a 2, but with my modifier it’s a 25.” “Nobody is allowed to play a bard next campaign.”
“You’re not proficient in that.” “Can I still try?” “…sure.”
“Come on guys, you almost had it.” “It’s been 45 minutes. Can you just tell us the answer?” “No. I believe in you. Now solve my puzzle.”
And, of course, the greatest one of all:
“…[heavy sigh]. Roll for seduction.”
Bards have to preface any suggestion spells by singing “I’ll tell you what you want, what you really, really want.”
“You wanna really really really really
really, really, really wanna stab your friends“
“If you wanna be my lover, you’d better stab all your friends
Friendship is forever. Wait, I shouuuuldn’t have sung that…”










