i hate… i haaate when you’re talking to someone who you know won’t recognize just “dnd” so you have to say out loud “dungeons and dragons” and wait for a horde of jocks to start kicking the shit out of you
i had to tell my 71 year old grandpa i was tired today because last night was game night which meant playing Dungeons and Dragons with my friends. he asked me if i won and i had to say no i did not win Dungeons and Dragons
More stupid curses for your Dungeons & Dragons game:
Having robbed a leprechaun’s hoard, the party are now themselves at the end of the rainbow. Constantly having a rainbow pointing out your exact location is more troublesome than you’d think!
Having interrupted a rite to a goddess of the hearth, the party has been “blessed” with an aura of deliciousness. It doesn’t specifically compel anyone to want to eat them; it just gives them the unaccountable certainty that if they did, it’d be the best meal they’ve ever had
Having done a favour for an evil dragon who always repays her debts but resents having to do so, the party has been granted the loyal service of a mob of enthusiastically incompetent kobolds who always show up again no matter how many times they’re seemingly lost or killed
Having insulted the god of wealth, the party has been stricken with the absolute inability to tell gold pieces from copper, or vice versa; worse, the curse is contagious and afflicts anyone who tries to help them with their finances, even under duress
Having consumed expired healing potions, the party’s blood has developed healing properties; once word of their condition gets around, they quickly find themselves hunted by parties of rival adventurers who wish to harvest their precious bodily fluids!
I don’t think I have ever played a non-dumbass. If they’re wise, they have no int. If they’re intelligent, they’re a goddamned fool. If by some quirk of the dice they have both int and wis, they have negative social skills
And on top of that every single one of them has to be an alcoholic or a pyromaniac or a kleptomaniac or physically incapable of backing down from a challenge or just such a ridiculous edgelord that they still look like a chuunibyou when standing next to a lich.
the princess bride is exactly what a dnd campaign would look like as a movie like? the delightfully weird cast of characters with their own quirks, the strange pacing and narrative that still Works, the absolute absurdity of it all, the jumping back and forth between wanting to be serious and it being really funny, hell its even Told like a dnd story through the use of the grandfather being the one telling the story
what a fantastic fucking movie
also like the character backstories are SUCH dnd backgrounds like? “im out for revenge for my father who was killed by a guy with six fingers on one of his hands” “i bumped into a band of pirates and their leader liked me so much he ended up having me take on his title to retire”
that is the Exact shit that people come up with for dnd characters
DM: having narrowly escaped Humperdinck, you find yourselves in the dangerous Fire Swamps
Westley: do I know anything about this area? Any danger?
DM: roll a history check
Westley: 15
DM: you know of rumors of giant rats in the swamps, as well as quick sand
Westley: what do I know about the giant rats?
DM: roll nature
Westley: [nat 1] …… rodents of unusual size? I don’t think they exist
general dnd advice is just don’t play with straighties but also gays only make characters that have like 5 int and 27 charisma so you can’t win honestly
I’ve seen a lot of people being silly about DnD talking about fucking your way into and out of bad situations but, if you look in the monster manual I think there’s strong support for the idea that half-orcs as a species are constantly horny
Orcs are constantly fucking and that’s why they have so many different types of half-orc offspring. So if your character has orc blood it actually makes sense
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