Magnus and Barry wake up at the crack of dawn just to jump into freezing cold water, and Taako, Lup, and Merle are just like “They must be going crazy or something. There’s no way that someone would willingly jump into icey water for fun-” and then Lucretia goes barreling past the three, yelling, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ASSHOLES JUMPED IN WITHOUT ME.” And the three go run to Davenport to say that all the humans they’re stuck with are certifiably insane.
Taako: Magnus put a damn shirt on.
Magnus: It’s not even that cold out.
Taako: It’s literally snowing.
Lup: Oh, babe, don’t eat that. It’s a super acidic fruit, it’ll dissolve your flesh.
Barry, confused: Lup this is a pineapple.
Magnus breaks both his legs in one cycle and the three basically invent street cross country skis to get him to move around and everyone else is terrified
“shouldn’t you be resting???”
“you think two broken legs will stop me?”
“IT SHOULD”
Lucretia: Humans have two sets of teeth.
Lup: you’re lying to me.
Magnus: Im gonna eat this blue glowing fruit I found
Davenport: You can’t do that, we’re two weeks into this cycle and you’re our security officer
Lucretia: Yeah, let Barry do it; if he dies, then he’ll just be a lich.
Davenport: No, no one is eating it
Barry: [has already eaten half of it]
i wish i could draw because i desperately want to draw the last exchange.
complete with ending on Barry freezing with half the fruit already in his mouth like a fruit goblin.
“look, it’s not like i hid anything, it just never came up!”
“You called yourself out for ‘straighsplaining’“
the whole bi thing goes completely over charles’ head and he keeps getting really aggro like “oh you and jake were real close huh?? too bad, sucker jake is MY best friend!”
everybody else is like “charles no”
at the end john mulaney turns out to be the embezzler they’ve been looking for
But he gets away by throwing a silver money clip with a fifty dollar bill in it in the gutter
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