lance works for allura’s government agency and he’s in charge of extracting top secret files
keith is shiro’s business partner for an independent for-profit organisation and he just makes the coffee and looks pretty
he’s also a field agent but he’s on suspension because he stabbed someone in the thigh
keith: ‘hey bidge’ pidge: ‘can you smell that’ keith: ‘wha-‘
pidge: ‘can you smell the sweet scent of justice’
lance: ‘romance is for bitches and people who like chicken little’ hunk: ‘….i like chicken little…..’
lance later that night on his top-secret mission: ‘does hunk think i hate him….i didn’t mean to insult him…..i love my friends’
keith in the same building going after the same files even though he shouldn’t be: ‘who the hell is muttering out loud’
lance grabs the documents from the safe and is about to run when someone slide tackles him and pins him to the floor. he’s all owen wilson ‘wrow’ cos they’re strong and muscular, before he sees a mullet peeking out from their ski mask and gets so angry he squawks
lance, breathless: ‘your hair is fuckin ugly’ masked stranger: ‘you fight like shit’ lance: ‘hey! that’s what greg said to me in 6th grade i’m sensitive to it ok’
lance tries to rip the guy’s mask off but his arms are pinned down so he pretends to die
keith: ‘what the fuck- wake up!’ lance: ‘……..’ keith: ‘oh my god i can’t kill another person god god’ lance untangling his arm and ripping keith’s mask off: ‘ha!’
lance: ‘get off me man’ keith: ‘boys. i like em. doot doot doot doo doo’
lance tries to run for the exit but keith holds onto his leg and slides on the floor while they’re both screaming
lance: ‘you’re a field agent?? how did you get qualified!!!’ keith: ‘i’m!!!! SUSPENDED!!!!!!’
he trips lance up and sits on him to get the documents but they’re both equally flustered and equally hopeless
keith, hair brushing lance’s forehead, voice soft: ‘give me the stupid documents’ lance: ‘kiss me- kill me first’ keith: ‘what’
lance: ‘i said kill’ keith: ‘you said kiss i’m not stupid’ lance: ‘oh do you want to? i know i’m irresistible but no thanks’
keith: ‘you’re a stranger’ lance: ‘not a stranger to the art of smoochy smoo’ keith scoffing: ‘i wouldn’t kiss you if my life depended on it’ lance: ‘don’t worry. i’m not into mullets’
keith whispering: ‘i bet i’d hate it’ lance: ‘your whole family tree stinks’ keith grinning: ‘what kind of insult is that?’ lance.exe stops working
they’re both out of breath and kinda trailing their eyes over each other’s faces before keith snatches the documents and runs out of the door, throwing a look over his shoulder
lance laying there in a T-pose: ‘oh wow. hunk and chicken little i am so fucking sorry’
allura: ‘did you get them???’ lance: ‘…anyone tell you you look radiant today princess?’ allura: ‘coran did more for this quiznakking team today and all he does is twerk on the break room fridge’
lance, shakily putting down his phone after recording a true blessing and saving it to his gallery: truly my sole purpose for living and why i’ve been put on this planet
Yo and Lance is just watching the juices from the fruit run down Keith’s legs and he has to physically restrain himself from licking them up!
Pidge: Keith, you could crush a sentry’s head between your thighs.
okay but what if instead of hitting on keith’s mom lance gets really emotionally attatched to her because of how badly he misses his own mom and she just kinda accepts it and vows to protect this human kid that her son seems to stare at for just a little too long
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