Me, to a cis person: “have you….have you had…the surgery?”
Cis person: “what surgery?”
Me: “the one that removes your head from your ass”
Care for an anecdote? I call this one Cis People Are Crazy, and it’s a lil sumthin sumthin that will come as no surprise whatsoever to any trans person.
So, due to All Of The Most Recent Bullshit, I was at a trans support rally in my city yesterday with my family. Some nice person was handing out these big pretty heart stickers with the trans pride flag colors on them, like this:
We all got one. I put mine on the hoodie I was wearing, which I wear a version of basically every day, right? It’s the Cringeandwince uniform.
So, without giving it much thought, I put that hoodie on again today and go food shopping, and – this is dense as fuck, but it took me a few minutes to figure out why so many people were acting weirder than usual towards me.
I got a lot of looks.
I got mainly curiosity from people who noticed at all. But I also received open hostility from two separate White dudes about my age, over-the-top/smile-too-big kindness from a White woman a little older than me, and total, disaggregating confusion from my White 30s male cashier after he asked me what the sticker meant and I told him. As in, my presence coupled with the very concept of trans people seemed to have this guy on the verge of simply falling apart, joint by joint, atomically, behind his register. It was like he blew a fuckin gasket, ok.
For people who don’t know me well enough to know who I am – I’m a straight, mixed Native cis woman in her 40s. While I don’t think I’ve ever been misgendered, I am about 5′10″ and built like a brick shithouse, and I wear mainly “men’s” clothing (black hoodie, blue jeans, hiking boots); the word “butch” has been thrown my way in the past. I also however have very long hair and wear long earrings.
The gamut of reactions today was pretty interesting because I’m a middle-aged woman – I’m almost roundly ignored in public these days, utterly invisible. But the presence of that trans pride sticker changed that on a dime. I left the store thinking to myself, Jesus Christ, this is the most interested people have been about what’s in between my legs since I was about 25.
So, hey, other cis people? Just a suggestion that a lot of us may be looking like total gormless morons – possibly abject fuckwits, maybe even vacuous clowns??? – when we interact with trans people a lot of the time. Try to be aware of this if you ain’t already because: it’s fucking annoying as hell, kinda scary, really really boring, and weird.
Not sure I’ve ever read a more comprehensive summary of How People Stare at Me ™ before now.
nobody ever talks about how saying non-binary genders don’t exist is racist as fuck
How?
many many many indigenous cultures have historically included more than two genders and to say that those genders do not exist is to say that those cultural traditions are invalid, and that only the imperialist gender binary is correct. which is racism.
lets be real! passing is one of the most unfair societal obstacles we face! cis ppl put expectations on us to not just perform our gender, but to overperform it! if they used their standards on themselves, so many cis ppl wouldnt pass either. so take a deep breath and know youre doing just fine! and better than you think! its not like passing was ever important for self worth anyways – its just a bullshit game we play with cis.
I hope every trans person reads this and internalizes it. Dear GOD this is important!
“Twitter has prohibited misgendering and deadnaming on its platform in an effort to curtail anti-trans abuse.
The social media company has changed its rules to ban the practices and has warned that any user who deliberately targets a trans person in these ways may face permanent suspension.
These offensive techniques—which involve using the wrong gender to refer to a trans person or a trans person’s old name—are often used on Twitter to insult and erase trans people’s identities and right to exist.”
“We recognise that if people experience abuse on Twitter, it can jeopardise their ability to express themselves”
Shoutout to any trans friends that’ll be misgendered by family during this holiday season. You’re strong and you’ll get through this. I love you and wish you the best.
Crowfanity's Tumblr 