chuck tingle, two time hugo award nominee and author of such erotica classics as ‘space raptor butt invasion’, ‘i’m gay for my living billionaire jet plane’, ‘bigfoot pirates haunt my balls’, and ‘there’s a bitcoin in my butt and he’s handsome’ just published a short story about the importance of consent and how it’s okay to have a loving relationship without sex if you want to???
that’s lovely on its own but it’s also called ‘not pounded in the butt by anything and that’s okay’, which is my favourite book title ever
if you are a man who had sex with a woman, and she became pregnant, and decided to abort, she does not “owe” you any say in the decision. all you did was bust a 10 second nut and suddenly you get a decisive say in whether or not she goes through 9 months of insanity and a painful expensive labour cause YOU want the kid? fuck off. your role in the creation of that fetus is minimal at best. if you really, genuinely wanted a child with her, you would have PLANNED for the conception of a child with that woman BEFORE y’all fucked. stop giving me that shit about “both of them created it together so they get equal say in the matter!” NO a man ejaculated and THAT’S IT, everything else regarding conception is on the woman’s body, she gets the final say in whether or not she’ll carry to term, NOT you. go adopt one of the 250,000 children in foster care waiting for someone to love them if you want a kid that fucking badly.
all pro lifers can fuck off my post please I still stand by this 100%
remember that reddit post with the dude who insisted his gf carry the baby to term and she left the baby with him and fucked right off and was faithfully paying child support but he still bitched about how his life was ruined bc he expected her to stay with him bc of the child despite her repeatedly stated intentions otherwise
being romantically frustrated is 1000000 worse than being sexually frustrated because you can get yourself off but you can’t spoon with yourself and kiss your own forehead
donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and
get julius caesar addicted to hentai
seduce cleopatra
“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times.
so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body
then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come.
My favorite part of this is that OP didn’t feel the need to explain how he’d get Julius Caesar addicted to hentai.
I’ve seen a lot of people being silly about DnD talking about fucking your way into and out of bad situations but, if you look in the monster manual I think there’s strong support for the idea that half-orcs as a species are constantly horny
Orcs are constantly fucking and that’s why they have so many different types of half-orc offspring. So if your character has orc blood it actually makes sense
lol I made this post months ago Funny how since Usher and his herpes comes to the light that’s when Majority of y’all started caring 🤦🏾♀️
To add onto this…. info from someone who screens for STDs: 1. Condoms protect against fluid 2. Anything skin to skin can be contracted 3. A new form of Gonorhea has developed that is resistant to antibiotics 4. If you have unprotected sex and get BV or a yeast infection it is because your vaginal pH does not mix well with the pH of his semen 5. That means you can get HIV 6. MORE THAN HALF OF THE POPULATION HAS HERPES 7. Type 1 is usually oral (cold sores) Type 2 is genital 8. You can give someone genital herpes if you have a cold sore and give them head 9. You can give someone cold sores if have genital herpes and receive head 10. Herpes lies dormant for years sometimes so you could have gotten it 10 years ago and it just now pops up 11. Most screening sites will not test for it, unless asked, because it cause problems within a relationship 12. Untreated chlamidiya (👈🏽 I’m trying) can make you infertile
You gave the most informative add on thank you Idk wth everyone else is talking about
Reblogging this again for the “I hate condom dudes”
Two ways to protect yourself:
Get the vaccination for HPV. It’s not just for cis women! HPV is nasty and causes cancer.
Don’t be afraid to have a little light in the room to start out with, even if you later turn it off, to check things out with a new partner or hookup. Herpes is most contagious when there are blisters present.
Also, if you find out you have an STD, the etiquette is to tell all new partners until you’re cured or firmly undetectable and let all previous ones you may have infected know.
Please don’t be afraid to get thoroughly tested! An STD isn’t the end of the world, especially if you catch and treat it early.
More about HPV:
When people hear HPV, they think cervical cancer and genital warts. You can have HPV without visible warts. Also, if you are infected with HPV, times of increased stress and low immunity can cause warts and leisons to appear where there weren’t any.
Furthermore, we have screening tools for HPV and cervical cancer in women. It’s called a Pap smear. It’s not just some uncomfortable screening your provider does for funsies. Follow the recommendations and get your pap on time. Women ages 21-35 are at the greatest risk of HPV infection.
Additionally, GET THE HPV VACCINE whether you are a man or woman. Even if you are past the recommended age and you have had HPV before, you can protect yourself from infection from other strains. While the link between cervical cancer and HPV in women is well known, the people most likely to die of HPV infection are men. Throat and rectal-anal cancer from HPV infection is on the rise, and men(straight or gay or bi) are the most likely to be infected and go undetected, since there are little to no screening tools developed for men. It’s not just promiscuous people who get infected with HPV. Men in long-term committed relationships are contracting it through anal or oral sex with a partner who has been infected with HPV from previous sexual encounters. I can’t stress this enough: HPV IS FAR MORE DEADLY IN MEN SIMPLY BECAUSE IS VIRTUALLY NO SCREENING TOOL FOR IT. The best thing men can do is protect themselves before they contract it by getting the vaccine.
And finally: if you are a man and you notice and abnormal lump or knot or tingling or ANYTHING in your throat or your anal-genital region, do not hesitate getting that examined by a medical professional! As a medical professional, I can promise you it’s not nearly as embarrassing as you are making it out to be in your head. It is statistically proven that men are less likely to use primary care and preventive mecidince and screenings by a WIDE margin and therefore more likely to suffer fatal infections and cancers. Don’t be another statistic. Take care of yourself. Take HPV seriously, because it is. It can kill you and you’ll never see it coming.
I’ve reblogged this before but I’ll reblog it again because being safe during sex is important, not being careful COULD LITERALLY KILL YOU. This isn’t to scare people off sex. Sex is great, just be safe
Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story.
So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.
Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him.
Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit.
In. The. Fucking. Water.
Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth.
Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says:
“Spitting is for quitters.”
This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes.
The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows.
I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could.
And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day.
MEMORIZE THE PACKAGING SO YOU MAKE SURE YOU NEVER BUY THIS CREAM FOR YOURSELF OR ANYONE YOU LOVE.
This post is about vaginas. My vagina in particular. I get yeast infections pretty regularly, and until recently I was able to afford to see a doctor who could prescribe me fluconazole.
Fluconazole, a drug also known by the brand name Diflucan, is a small pink pill. You take two pills a few days apart from each other to restore balance and harmony to your bountiful folds. I’ve never ever had a bad side effect from taking this pill.
Cut to November 2016. I’m a recent college grad without reliable health care coverage in the process of finding a job. And I’m dealing with a yeast infection. Before I moved out of state, my previous doctor told me about Miconazole. She said it was as effective as the pill and hallelujah, it’s over the counter! I decided to purchase the cream pictured above. This treatment only lasted 3 days, a convenient time frame for my schedule.
The application process was a little messy, and some of the cream came in contact with my vulva and labia. Within 5 minutes every piece of skin that had come in contact with the cream, excluding my hands, was on fire. I wanted to scream it was so painful. I began frantically searching for what I should do online.
I found a whole forum of people on drugs.com who had experienced something similar. These comments saved me, and these were just on the first page. There were 33 pages total, the earliest dated July 2009.
I was writhing in pain at 2AM when I found this forum (which I found by searching “my vagina burn itch hurts after miconazole” on Google). As soon as I read these comments I threw the devil cream directly into the trash and jumped in the shower. I didn’t feel any actual relief until I reached in and scraped the cream out of me. I paid $17 plus tax on this bullshit, but I could have just as easily ripped up my money or paid someone to not hurt me.
The moral of the story is that vaginal health care is is completely fucked up because we don’t have access to an over the counter cure for yeast infections that is safe for our bodies and also YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY THIS CREAM EVER.
Reblog to save a vagina.
Okay so I used to get yeast infections every month after my period ‘cause my pH levels were fucked up or something (idk that’s what my doctor said) and I actually used to take this stuff and it was fine. Then a couple years down the road I had a yeast infection for the first time in ages and I used this again and it burned so bad I had to sit in the bath and like physically dig it out of my vagina
AND THEN I LEARNED THAT IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A YEAST INFECTION. I had a bacterial infection, which is honestly pretty much identical to a yeast infection depending on the severity. The only difference is that IF YOU HAVE A BACTERIAL INFECTION AND TRY TO USE YEAST INFECTION MEDICATION IT WILL HURT
But it’s not actually the medication’s fault. The medication DOES do what it’s supposed to do, provided you’re actually suffering from a yeast infection. Chances are though that you and every one who commented on this did, in fact, have bacterial infections instead.
FORTUNATELY they also make over the counter tests so you can know if you need to call your doctor or just grab some yeast medicine off the shelf. Next time if you aren’t sure, pee on a stick and save yourself a world of fucking pain
AMEN.
It’s unfortunate that I’m 27 and never knew that last bit of information. The world of vaginal health is so obscure and inaccessible.
Reblogging because I too once found out the hard way that I had a bacterial & not yeast infection. 😑
I, too, once set my vagina aflame with miconazole. I didn’t know it was because of a bacterial infection. Reblogging to save a vag.
Reblogging to save a vag.
It’s almost like the shame and stigma thar surrounds vaginas is a danger to the health and well being of people who have vaginas.
Crowfanity's Tumblr 