being attracted to girls is so difficult because its not like boys where you occasionally see one worth looking at. all girls are so pretty. i cant leave the house because i am constantly being attacked from all angles. every time i turn my head there is another angel blocking my path. im trapped, i cant escape but at the same time im not sure i want to….
Video game: Do you like MONSTERS!? Big beautiful awe inspiring BEASTS? Majestic gods of their domain!??? Gorgeously designed creatures that seem to live and breathe on their own terms?!?!??
Me: YEAH!
Video game: Im this game you can FIGHT and KILL them!
me: i don’t want to be mentally ill me, but quieter: but i also don’t want to recover because i don’t know who i’d be without my mental illnesses since they are practically my personality and recovery seems scary and it seems the only point of my life is to hurt because that’s all i’ve ever known. somehow mental illness is a comfort blanket even though it is the reason i need a comfort blanket to begin with and the world beyond this seems oddly confusing and terrifying
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