In which Lance is not a morning person, and Keith is the world’s biggest asshole.
~VLD~
“Lance. Hey, Lance. Laaaance. Hey. La-”
A loud, irritated groan cut off Keith’s pestering, and he grinned widely as his boyfriend cracked open an eye to glare at him before rolling over and tossing the covers back over his head.
“Aw, come on, Blue. We’ve gotta get up, it’s almost 8:00. I promised Shiro we’d meet him early for coffee, remember?” Keith crawled over Lance and off the bed, taking a fistful of the quilt with him and giving it a satisfying yank, pulling it off of Lance’s half-naked body. He raised an eyebrow before swinging a leg over Lance’s hips, sufficiently straddling him.
“Don’t you ever wear a shirt? And you know better than to wear your binder in bed, dumbass.”
“Keeeiiiiffff…” Lance whined, swinging a pitiful punch in Keith’s direction, “Leave me ‘lone…”
Keith rolled his eyes, catching Lance’s hand easily before pinning it by his side. “No. Shiro hates it when we’re late, and it’s not like he’s ever gonna blame anything on you. I’m sick of ‘dad lectures’ about ‘tardiness.’” Keith wrinkled his nose. “The fuck is ‘tardiness’, anyways?”
“It’s being late,” Lance mumbled into his pillow. “First of all, screw Shiro. Second of all, it’ll serve you right, since you’re such an asshole. Don’t make plans for me at the asscrack of fucking dawn.”
“I told him we’d meet him at 9:30!”
“I don’t see what the difference is.”
“Lance,” Keith said firmly. “Get. Your. Fucking. Ass. Up.”
“Damn right it’s my ‘fucking ass’,” Lance muttered. “And no. Fuck off.”
Huffing in frustration, Keith crawled back off of Lance, before placing his palms square against Lances side and shoving him as hard as he could. He smirked as Lance tumbled to the floor and let out a string of curses as colorful as his wardrobe.
“Yeah, yeah. But you’re up now, so shower and do your weird face slime thing. We’ve got half an hour before we have to be there. And since you’re really hot when you’re angry, I’ll remind you of this later tonight and consider letting you top.”
I think my favorite panic-fueled response to a petitioner was when someone came up to me in Union Square and said “Hi, would you care to sign our petition for LGBT rights?” and I just blurted out “I’m already gay” and the person, taken aback, said “Well, that’s… nice.” and I said “It really is. Goodbye.” and just walked into the closest store to escape.
one time I was on my way to a final and this clipboard person was aggressively trying to stand in my way and saying “excuse me sir, can you take just one minute?” and I was like “I’m sorry I’m on my way to a final” and they said “just takes a minute to save a mountain” and I panicked because clearly the truth of why I had to go wasn’t working so I just said the first thing that came to mind which was “Sorry I hate mountains”
This is maybe my favorite response to this post, holy shit.
My favorite of these from the other side of the clipboard—back when I was canvassing for GreenPeace, I had a co-worker that would switch back and forth between “Hey, you want to help save a whale?” and “Hey, you want to help fight global warming?” – and at the end of a very long, hard day on the Magnificent Mile in Chicago, he blurted out to someone “Hey, you want to help me fight a whale?”
I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”
I’m just imagining this super ripped guy called Brutus being like ‘YESSS!!! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE FAKE PROSTITUTE!! Now is my time to shine!!’
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