swedishjazz:

Reading Grimmons fanfiction is like, you walk down a lovely little street, let’s call it Boner Street. You’re eagerly walking towards a building with a banner on it, on which it is written “FUN GRIMMONS CONTENT”. You don’t notice the street is empty, nor do you notice that streetlights flicker off as you pass them by. You reach your destination, and as you enter the building, the door shuts behind you. There is nothing in the entrance hall aside from a fanfic author. In their hands they are holding a baseball bat with “SIMMONS DIES” written on it, and they’re mockingly tapping it against their hand. 

There’s an open door to your left, and you run into the room, hoping to barricade yourself there, but you run smack-dab into another grimmons writer. They’re wearing brass kunckles; one’s emblazoned with “GRIF”, the other with “DIES”. They’re smoking an oreo. You turn around and run again: you keep running through the empty building, and the authors are following behind you, leisurely, surely. There’s no point in chasing you. They’ve been following you for 13 chapters and you never noticed. 

They’re closing in on you; in a fit of desperation, you run towards a window and jump out of it, hoping to roll your way to safety. But as you’re in the air, you realize you were foolish to hope. There’s a chasm below you, ten stories high, and on the ground, a third grimmons writer is just finishing writing “THEY BOTH DIE AND ALSO THEY WATCHED EACH OTHER DIE” in huge letters. They wave at you as you rapidly approach the ground. @a-taller-tale visits you in the hospital where you’re recuperating from your two fractured skulls and ten broken arms and brings you home-baked babyfic. 

You leave the hospital three weeks later. You pass by Boner Street on your crutches. You could barely wait for the doctors to let you out already. You make a turn and enter it. 

@lancekkogane