Not too long ago, my friend Bella came out as aromantic to me, and now I’ve got some things to say.
I was the one who told her what aromantic means, because I was explaining different sexual orientations to her. I remember saying, “Asexualiy is when you have romantic attraction, but no sexual attraction.”
Bella immedently, without missing a beat, asked, “Is there an opposite to that?”
I asked what she meant, and she asked if there was a term for sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. I told her about aromantics. She got weirdly quiet, then excused herself.
Not two weeks later I was heading to my boat. I was supposed to meet Bella and another one of our muteral friends there for a day of fishing.
As soon as I was in earshot, I saw Bella storming off the boat, and our other friend standing there like an idiot. Boi had no idea what was happening.
Anyway, Bella isn’t looking where she’s going and walks smack dab into me. That’s when I realized she was crying. Puffy red eyes, wet cheeks, the whole nine yards… And if you know anything about Bells, she does not cry. Ever.
She’s been through some serious crap in her life, and she does not cry. She’s tough as nails. Bella has a steel core. She does not not cry. I’ve seen her fall off a roof and break her arm before, not a single tear. I can’t stress this enough, Bella. Doesn’t. Cry.
So seeing her in tears shook me. I took her by the shoulders and escorted her somewhere more private where we could talk. We ended up in the women’s restroom, which was weird as fuck for me, because haven’t been in a woman’s rest room for years. Luckily it was empty, and I’m realistic, I know I don’t pass so well, so I don’t think anyone would have said anything anyway.
Before I can even ask her what’s wrong she hugs me around my middle and burys her face in my hoodie. Then, in a voice I can only describe as traumatized, she says, “I think I’m broken.”
I’ve never seen her in so much pain, and Bella and I are CLOSE. She’s one of my dearest friends. She’s like my little sister, but if she’s like my sister, our other muteral friend is like her twin. He and Bella have know each other WAY longer, they’re practically inseparable. They come as a pair. They’re a duo. They’re a package deal.
Appearently, said muteral friend asked Bella out and forcefully kissed her. She shoved him off, and told him she’s aromantic, which she only recently figured out. She wasn’t ready to be out, but this muteral friend left her no choice. She tried telling him no, and he didn’t listen. Bella saw no other option.
Quote on quote, this is what he said to Bella. “That’s okay. You just haven’t dated me yet. We’ve been like, unofficially together for years. You’re probably just freaked out that it’s finally going somewhere.”
After that I’m not 100% clear on what happened, but apparently Bella kept saying no Nd trying to explain herself, but he kept insisting he could ‘fix her.’
Eventudally she started crying and stormed away. That’s when I found her.
Keep in mind, this was her first experience coming out, and her best, closest friend insisted he could fix her and forcefully kissed her. I found out later he also implied corrective rape would ‘solve the problem.’
Bella was traumatized. She’s still traumatized. I tried to make her feel better by buying her an aro pride shirt, and taking her go a local LGBTQ+ hang out. I wanted her to be around like minded people, so she could see she wasn’t broken, and her identity deserved to be respected.
Instead of a warm, welcoming environment… The first thing someone said to her was, “This place is for REAL lgbt people. You don’t belong here.” He also implied she wasn’t human.
Just think about that for a minute. Her first experiences with being an out aromantic have been limited to;
A person she trusted more than anyone forcing himself upon her, claiming she was ill, and needed to be fixed. (Raped.)
Sobbing in my arms in the women’s restroom because she thought she was broken and defective.
Being told she wasn’t welcomed in LGBTQ+ spaces and called inhuman.
This isn’t what I want for her. Bella deserves better than this. She needs a support system, not all this crap. I’ve spent the past week trying to undo all the damage exclusionists, arophobes, and people she trusted did.
Aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQ+ community. You literally cannot change my mind.
me: it’s awkward when men approach me because i don’t know how to turn them down without putting myself at risk
some idiot: um just tell them you’re gay sweaty
meanwhile,straight men:
Worth noting: She told the dude several times before, politely, that she wasn’t interested and he wouldn’t take no for an answer and kept following and pestering her. After turning him down multiple times, she finally said she was gay, and he snapped and started attacking her. He climbed on her windshield, kicked it in and shattered it, causing glass to get in her eyes.
Also worth noting iirc, there were numerous witnesses and not one person did anything to help this woman. They all saw this man pestering her, her turning him down, repeatedly, and him jumping up on her car to kick her windshield in and her driving to try and shake him off, that not working, and her jumping from the car to flee. And no one did anything. The police never caught him.
“Since he did this and got away with it, he had no repercussions,” she said. “He’s going to think ‘if a girl rejects me, I can do this to her. I didn’t get caught last time.’ ” (source)
How about instead of “just tell them you’re gay” we teach men how to take no for an answer?
Half of the people who died in the bombing were children. The youngest of whom was only seven. Two hundred and fifty people were left homeless. When the bomb was dropped, the firefighters were ordered to stand back and not do anything to help. Police shot people as they tried to escape. And while the city apologized and called the bombing “unconscionable” the only person who was ever criminally charged in the affair was Ramona Africa, the sole adult survivor of the bombing.
Seriously, every single American should be required to learn about the MOVE bombing.
While this is going around, probably worth adding that Ramona Africa is currently suffering from cancer and asking for help with medical fees, gofundme here: https://www.gofundme.com/helpsaveramonaafrica
she didn’t lose her internship because “her friends” used a hashtag, she lost it because a bunch of 4chan fuckers found out she’s trans and decided to doxx her and harass her employer about the ~image~ she was sending. like this wasn’t her public face account, she wasn’t spouting racist garbage, she mistook someone in her mentions for one of the randos she gets regularly harassed by (because, yknow, if someone tweets “language” at you on twitter, 99.9% of the time they’re not actually concerned for you) and transphobes used the opportunity to fuck up her life. it’s great that hickam is behind her on this but a lot of people are sharing this and laughing at how hilarious it is that “a furry got fired for swearing”, which is the smokescreen being used to cover how this was doxxing a trans woman to ruin her potential career
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