Apparently in 19th era london poor people would just watch fires for entertainment and literally i remember one time my friends and i saw a fire from the freeway and pulled off to find it and watch it burn people have never changed
when my house was on fire I was a few blocks away at my friend’s and these guys walked by and told us to go check out the fire and I was like “yeah it’s my house” and they stared at me and I stared at them and my friend’s mom told them to keep walking and any time I get embarrassed about something stupid I said in the past I’m like “did I tell someone to go check out their own house burning down? No? Cool I’m good”
What folks don’t realise is that trauma/abuse survivors can and often forget their trauma (Dissociative amnesia) until many years later when they understand better and are ready to process it. (Which may never happen). Memory loss is a natural defense mechanism humans develop in an attempt to protect themselves from pyschological damage, and mostly regain those memories later on.
Step one: let him hide or shy away from you if he wants to. He wouldn’t let me touch him for a couple days after we got back from the shelter. His comfort was more important than me getting to touch him.
Step two: make yourself nonthreatening. In my case this meant being very quiet, bringing food and lying down on the ground within his eyesight as an invitation to investigate.
Step three: watch his body language and don’t do things that make him uncomfortable. Turns out my cat often bit when he was overstimulated so I made sure not to overwhelm him.
Step four: draw lines, but not with brute force. Even though his biting wasn’t meant to hurt, I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t injure anyone in the future. So I decided when he bit me, I’d yelp “ow!” And then withdraw all physical contact for a few minutes, sometimes leaving the room. Now he never bites, but sometimes he puts his teeth on my hand and then thinks better of it.
Step five: provide a good outlet for destructive behaviors. Aka PLAY WITH HIM, SEVERAL TIMES A DAY.
Step six: be patient.
Step seven: get lucky and somehow pick up the best cat in the entire shelter. I don’t know how it happened but he’s a godsend. He’s literally cuddled me out of a panic attack. We both really needed each other.
this is basically it??? for any animal. and human. both of you get to set boundaries for what you’re comfortable with, both of you respect those boundaries, and the goal is not ‘oh i get to pet the kitty’ or ‘oh i made the parrot talk’ but ‘we have a good solid relationship where we understand each other and are both happy’???
Planned Parenthood is fucking amazing, y’all. I haven’t been there yet…but just talking to their HRT line on the phone…
They used my respected name right off the bat. Called me Riley all the way through. Used he/him pronouns. Didn’t slip up once. Asked me and “What’s your legal name? I’m sorry I have to ask that.”
Then asked me “Now is it okay if I send things with Riley Roswell to your home?” not wanting to out me accidentally and then “Is it okay if I send stuff with planned parenthood labels on them or do you want me to be discreet about it?” knowing there are people who could get in trouble with family or partners or others for going there.
OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO CRY AND THEY DIDN’T JUDGE ME AT ALL
THEY WERE TOTALLY ACCEPTING AND ANSWERED ALL MY STUPID FUCKING BASIC QUESTIONS ABOUT HRT ABOUT WHAT THE APPT WAS GONNA BE LIKE
AND SHE WAS SO KIND AND SO UNDERSTANDING
AND SHE RESPECTED ME SO MUCH AND I WAS SO HAPPY
I CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE LIKE THAT EXIST IN OUR WORLD.
OH MY GOD.
AND I’M GOING TO BE GOING TO THIS WONDERFUL PLACE ON THE 29TH!!!!!!!!
