Some days ago I came out to some people as demisexual and to be quite honest, I never thought I’d have to. But with them constantly asking me about this kind of stuff, especially due to me “apparently” being a “late bloomer” in relationships, I was kind of forced to do so. And, understandably, none of them knew what demisexual means, and that is completely ok. The thing that bothered me though was how many disregarded this label as “isn’t that how all decent people are?”.
Being demisexual, cut short, means you don’t experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond with a person. And for some this might translate to “i need emotions to have sex” or “i don’t sleep with strangers”, but hear me out: it doesn’t.
I went into puberty quite early and for me that always was my explanation for why my sexual interest in others never spiked up (since normally you are not interested in having sbd nail you at the age of 11). But quickly noticing this not being the case I got confused. Other teens my age had sexual relationships everywhere, falling in and out of love, getting horny because they saw a pretty face. And I didn’t. And I felt ill, kind of.
After some time I stumbled upon asexuality and I started to panic. Cause, to be honest, I didn’t want to *not* have sex (though that isn’t wrong at all, I am NOT saying asexuality is bad, NO way). I did, so much. I just wasn’t able to feel the attraction needed for these activities. A couple of years were spent fighting an internal battle until that one day. It was during pride and I stumbled over a collection of flags. As posts like these are always tagged to the heavens I went through all of them and when I got to demisexual I was blown away.
This spoke to me on such a personal level I nearly cried. There were others who felt the same. Others who did not experience sexual attraction, but still wanted this kind of intimacy with a partner. Moreover, I realised the asexual/grey spectrum literally is a spectrum and is not a one way ticket.
So when friends, humans I trusted and held close (people I thought maybe had picked up on my confusion over the years) told me they don’t understand my troubles and that I shouldn’t “make a fuss”, I was shocked.
But instead of crumbling like I did when I had my first sexuality crisis, I flipped them the verbal finger and left the room.
Cause this is where I draw the line: Don’t invalidate the sexualities of other people. Don’t judge things you don’t understand. Don’t tell somebody that their whole thought process and self exploration was for nothing cause you can’t wrap your head around the labels they choose for themselves.
My gf’s cat, Potato. The SPCA said her fur was really matted when they got her. The day she brought her home and 5 months later. From french fry to tator tot.
